everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
