I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
