My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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