If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
