dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I need water and some morals
Randomize
