She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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