if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
