there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
