We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
