a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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