Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
