The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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