but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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