I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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