You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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