just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
