I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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