He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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