My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
