these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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