I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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