Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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