Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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