I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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