oh god the rape fog is back!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
