I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize