Apparently you make a good broom.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
