His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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