Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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