is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
