I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize