she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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