What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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