I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
