anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
