I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
