Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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