textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
