All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
