i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
