just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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