how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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