planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
