I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
