Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
