oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My vagina just clenched in fear
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
