Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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