i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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