we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
