i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
