Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
