Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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