You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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