You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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