I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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