At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
