I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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