WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
