At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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