I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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