My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
