so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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