My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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