just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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