Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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