He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
