Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
