We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize