at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
