My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
