When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
