We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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