this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
