Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
sarcasm needs its own font
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
