So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
