she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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