It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize