i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize