What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
