Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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