Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
