And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
