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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)

  (586): View more from Michigan

  It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo

  (810): View more from Michigan

  With himself

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!

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• (631): View more from New York

  lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.

  (631): View more from New York

  i think i have dick pic PTSD.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out

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