I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Who died my cat blue again?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
