Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
