So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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