Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
