I hate your face
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
