I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
