so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize