We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
