I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Farmville is her only friend.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize