I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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