One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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