Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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