do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
