what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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