he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
